my baby is turning 1...

wow. Where do I begin. I haven't written in so long that i feel lost. Between Tallulah and her appointment, it the salon and my appointments. Tallulah is such a different baby than the last post I wrote. Her latest excitement is that her first tooth is starting to break through. Its the bottom left front tooth. Its sooooo scary that she is getting teeth. When i tell everyone that she is turning a year in less than a week they all say "wow did that year go by fast". Uh...no it didn't. It went by minute by minute. Second by second. Its the first year in my life that I could probably tell you where I was just about every second of every day. The first 4 months of Tallulahs life were so intense that it was like holding your breath for days on in. I look at her now and I see a healthy bubbly baby. Its weird. I NOW see why many mothers would cry when I would show them her pictures. I can now see just how fragile she looked. I always knew just how strong she was and just how much fight she had in her, but i do see her fragility. It takes my breath away now watching her videos of her struggling to breathe. Watching her try to lift her hands that were weighed down by 2 and 3 i.v.'s each. Watching her try to make a crying sound through the oxygen and feeding tubes that were in her nostrils and throat. I NOW can look back and realize the magnitude of what we were going through. I watch her sleep and still can hear all of the machines beeping and going off around us. I can smell the smells of medicine and hand sanitizer all around us. The salty tears that i would swallow as i walked down the hospital hallways so that i wouldnt cry in front of her. I can smell the hand soap that is in the NICU for parents to scrub up before we entered the unit. The pillow cases that we used to have to put our personal belongings in while in the room. I can still here the "SNAP" of the needle pricker that the nurses would use to prick her heel every hour on the hour to test her blood sugar. Sometimes they would try to keep a heating pad on the pricked cut so that it would heal up in the next hour so that they didnt have to prick her again. She is so much stronger than I could ever be. I mean, I cant imagine having 4 surgeries in 1 year, let alone 4 surgeries in my first year. Then to move on and grown and develop as well as she has....just humbles me. I dont know how else to describe it. Todays Tallulah is feisty, strong willed and determined. She knows what she wants and how she wants it. We are definitely having to stand our ground or she is going to run the show. The entire show. She loves lights, music and terra cotta tiles on spanish style houses....you figure it out. She absolutely loves them. She smiles and waves and kicks for them. She eats solids. She flips like a dolphin on dry land. Shes trying to stand and when her hands are held she lifts her feet like shes walking. She smiles all day long. She knows how to push out crockadile tears. She loves Yo Gabba Gabba and honestly so do I. She loves being outside and going for long walks. She loves window views and the car. I feel like im filling out a match.com form. I just want her to read this when she gets older and know that i live for every single detail of her being. From her sighs to her holding her breath to try to stand, im paying attention and soaking it all in. She just recently started doing what her baby book calls "baby squeeling". Its this hilarious woodpecker kind of high pitchy scream thing. She does it over and over and over and laughs. I love it. Looking back now feels safe. Its a place i can go to and not get overwhelmed. Thank god and goodness that she is so strong. I thank you all for your support, kind words, prayers and gifts. It truley takes a village and y'all are our village.
Tallulah will be turning 1 on the 16th. We are celebrating it on the saturday after her birthday which is the 20th. If you'd like to come by and celebrate it with us we would love to have you. Email me for directions. We will have a casual celebration from noon on. Tallulah is registered at babys r us if you are interested. Here is a link http://www.toysrus.com/registry/search/index.jsp?_flowExecutionKey=_c7699A15E-6440-4E93-E8BE-CCC30AFEAF1C_k7068062B-5C89-8510-8623-ED81494378CD&overrideStore=TRUS.

Hope to see you there and heres to Tallulahs next 200 years.....Papi